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Love Ad Nauseam- Advice on Love, Sex, Gender, Kink
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October 2006
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Love Ad Nauseam- Advice on Love, Sex, Gender, Kink [userpic]
UNSURE about her

Dear Lovers-
So, I've been dating this girl for a couple of months. I really like her, but sometimes I feel that we're worlds apart. She's only a few years older than I am and I'm pretty mature for my age, but so is she. We have fun when we're together but we don't really see each other much. I really do like her, I think she's a wonderful person, I enjoy spending time with her and she's sexy as all hell, but I just don't feel like it's all there. I know it's not just a sex thing, since we rarely have sex- something I kind of enjoy about this- but I still don't see why she wants to date me. She just mystifies me. She's also probably moving very far away so I know we're not gonna get too serious. We're not in love and neither of us has delusions that we are. That's totally okay with us. Any thoughts?
-Usually No Surprises, Usually Really Easy

Mr. Gyrl says:
So you're not dating seriously. You both seem to understand that. Have you talked to her about any of this? Communication is the basis of any good relationship, no matter how serious it is. You say you're mystified by her- get to know her a little more. You've only been dating for a little while, give it time. You also say that you rarely have sex like that's unusual. Maybe that's a good thing- it gives you a chance to develop a meaningful relationship, not just a sexual one. UNSURE, maybe this is a healthy thing for you. If relationships were easy, they wouldn't be worth it. This is a chance for you to grow and develop. Talk to her, you may discover things about yourself.

Zie Lover says:
Wow, someone who isn't having huge relationship problems! No cheating, lying, backstabbing, unwelcome kink, lack of welcome kink, or any of those OMIGODWHATDOIDOOOOOOO issues. Before I get to my response, I want you to take a moment and be thankfull that your love life is not totally fucked up.

Now that that's done, I would like to second Mr. Gyrl's advice because said Gyrl is wise in the ways of love, *bow* *bow*, etc. But mainly because, and not just for you, this goes for everyone, communication is so very key. If you can't talk to each other, what have you got? I mean unless it's a strictly sex relationship, which isn't the case here. So on to the specifics. If you're having trouble getting started with the daunting task of uncovering this wonderful person's mysteries, start lightheartedly. I'm sure she has things she wants to know about you too-- you could do something like each write down 5 questions on a separate piece of paper, stick them in a hat (or coffee can, or empty donut box, or whatever's close) and take turns drawing out a slip of paper. The trick is, of course, that you both answer completely and honestly. I'm sure you can think of a multitude of other ideas. Then if these first lighthearted attempts lead on to more touchy subjects, keep two things in mind: you care about each other and it's okay to make yourselves vulnerable; and respect whatever boundaries the other person puts up. Also maintain your own. Don't push them, and don't let her push them either. If a subject isn't ready to be broached, give it time. Best of luck.

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