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Love Ad Nauseam- Advice on Love, Sex, Gender, Kink
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October 2006
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Love Ad Nauseam- Advice on Love, Sex, Gender, Kink [userpic]
TIRED, are you?

Dear Mr. Gyrl and Zie Lover,

You two have become renowned love experts in my little sphere of
existence, but I'm wondering if you interpret dreams. To test out your
potentially new-found ability, try this one I had last night:

I don't remember the beginning, or maybe there was no official
beginning, but the first part I remember is when I'm in a public
bathroom. At first it's nice and clean, and I go pee and when I wipe,
for some reason I look at the toilet paper, and something is moving.
As I look more closely it gets sort of blurry, but my mind registers
that it's a leach (although it looks more like a sperm made of a blood
clot, in case you were wondering). I am immediately mortified that
this thing was anywhere near my precious cooch, in fact it may have
come out of it! As I look more closely at the bathroom, I realize
there are leaches everywhere, all over the floor, some intact but some
squished by shoes. Luckily I'm wearing my combats, but it's still
nasty as hell. Then suddenly I'm in a room with this guy who is a
prince and he's about to marry this gorgeous woman, who happens to be
a doctor, or she was or something, and I ask her if I can talk to her,
because I want her to check if there are any more leaches because I'm
afraid to myself. We go into this other room with a fainting couch,
everything is kind of dim although there are windows. I don't remember
the actual examination, but I remember her telling me everything is
fine, no more leaches or anything else nasty like that. Then I'm
supposed to help her into this dress (also gorgeous, there's an under
dress which is white with a blue pattern around the collar-part, and
then a thin, sheer green sleeveless dress that goes over it, which is
zigzaggy at the bottom) so we're in this little changing room with a
curtain. But for some reason I'm the naked one, and she's standing
behind me and she keeps trying to finger me and her finger is really
hot and she's hot but I'm not attracted to her. Then her fiance(e?)
walks in on us and I'm suddenly clothed again and it's like it never
happened. And this all means what, exactly?

-Trying, Incredibly Restless, Expecting Dreams

Mr. Gyrl says:

The prince represents your ideal man. You're afraid he's going to be stolen away by a powerful woman who you respect who's really hot, who you possibly dated before. The leaches meanyou are afraid of your sexuality, and you go to women when you're hurt.

Zie Lover says:

The leaches mean you are seeing something or someone in its true light, something or someone you assumed was good, clean, or safe. As to the prince and the beautiful woman, you are seeing beautiful and happy things or relationships, and you are afraid that you ruin them.

Chances are you don't. Go make some cheesecake.


For sex tips, diabolical chickens, and leftover cheesecake, submit to LoveAdNauseam@gmail.com. Do not iron clothing while wearing.