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Love Ad Nauseam- Advice on Love, Sex, Gender, Kink
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October 2006
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Love Ad Nauseam- Advice on Love, Sex, Gender, Kink [userpic]
NO DRAMA for this one!

A while back I had a huge drama-full breakup. As in friendships and relationships going boom and badness. Thing is, I still dig him. I broke it off because it seemed to be the right thing to do in that situation and I could never really see myself becoming (or being allowed to become) a part of his/their family. I hadn't talked to him in months and seen him in longer until the other day when I called his house and talked with his wife. A few hours later (he wasn't even off of work!) I got a call back, and he had to go and so called me back again an hour or so later. I'm remembering what I miss about him and how much fun we had. Unfortunatley, I'm also remembering the High Drama there was. I'd like to reopen the lines of communication and maybe even think about starting to date again, but I'm not sure. What do you suggest? He intoxicates me, but I'm afraid I might get a little too drunk.
- Not Only Dizzy, Really Anxious and Mostly Alarmed

Zie Lover says:

If you feel like reopening the lines of communication, NODRAMA, go for it. There's really no harm that can come of that. But before you start seriously considering dating him again, and probably before you start talking with him about it, I would recommend that you very seriously consider why you broke up with him in the first place. If you don't remember specifics, maybe go back through your journal and see what you wrote about it, or talk to friends with whom you discussed the drama while it was happening.

Okay, a little anecdote for you, because for the most part I've been really good about refraining while giving love advice (I think). I have a sister whose thought process often seems to go "Ooh, danger-- I'll go closer!" Since she's five there's lots of dangerous things to explore; hot stoves, outlets (with paper clips), my other sister when she is in her foulest mood and about to blow, fighting dogs, boys who chase her and try to kiss her.... You name it, she's there. Don't be my little sister in this case. And if you do decide to give it a shot, don't forget to evaluate how it's going; are you happy with him? Does he care as much as he says he does? Does the drama look like it will resurface? Don't get so intoxicated you forget which way is up.

Mr. Gyrl Says:

Bravo, Zie. I agree. NODRAMA, you seem to have pretty solid reasons for breaking up with him- remember those reasons. In a relationship you need to have a ceratin amount of control over yourself, especially in tumultuous situations. You seem to want to give that control up. Find someone else! Just because you get drunk off of vodka doesn't mean you can't get drunk off of wine. Perhaps you'll learn to control your binges as well. Remember your support network, and keep them around you- they will be your anchor to keep you steady and your net to catch you when you fall.

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damn straight!